A Better Divorce
If you haven’t heard about Collaborative Divorce or aren’t clear on what it is, here are some things you should know:
What is a Collaborative Divorce?
A Collaborative Divorce is a process that assists spouses in working out an agreement without going to court. You and your spouse negotiate an acceptable agreement with the assistance of a team of trained professionals. The hallmark of a Collaborative Divorce is that you have a full spectrum approach: lawyers to help guide you under the law, mental health coaches to manage the emotional needs of you and your family, and a financial expert to educate you and guide you in reaching the best agreement for your family.
Each member of the professional team is specifically trained in Collaborative Divorce. Each spouse has an attorney representing his/her interests. You will work closely with your attorney who serves as your primary guide, and who ultimately drafts agreements and files the final paperwork on your behalf. You meet with your attorney privately to prepare for group meetings with your spouse, his/her attorney, and the neutral financial and mental health practitioners.
As the name implies, the mental health coach and the financial planner are neutral team members in this process. That means they don’t take sides. They are invested in the needs and interests of the parties and their children. Their job is to keep the you and your spouse forward focused (this is not therapy and you will not be working through past or distant issues). They will give you information and guidance in their areas of an expertise such as:
How to talk to children about divorce.
What needs your children have at their particular stage in development.
Overcoming the emotional obstacles of divorce.
Understanding all the assets and debts of a marriage.
Creating financial projections that demonstrate potential financial settlement implications.
Brainstorming creative, family-specific solutions.
The goal of the Collaborative process is to understand the needs and values of the individual and the family as a whole, and then craft a tailored solution that meets those interests and maximizes the benefit to all parties.
What are the Benefits?
There are many benefits to handling divorce through the Collaborative process. Most noteably, our most imperative interest is the needs of the children. Because a Collaborative Divorces is a transparent, interest oriented, fully supported process, we are able to mitigate anxiety, provide a clear path forward, and address any hiccups along the way. We believe this translates to better co-parenting through divorce, better overall outcomes, and healthier relationships once the process is complete.
Colaborative Divorces also benefits the parties financially. The process facilitates and relies upon complete disclosure, so both parties have all the information and education they need to make sound, informed decisions about their finances. Often, one party is less integrated into the day-to-day or big picture finances of the marriage. The neutral financial professional equalizes this imbalance through meetings with the clients individually and as a group. The result is a process that is efficient, productive, and equitable.
Finally, the Collaborative process puts your future in your hands. We firmly believe that no one is better equipped to make decisions about your life than you are. Even when parents disagree on many issues, with a little support they are often able to come together for the best interest of their children. We like to empower parents in reaching their goals for their family and feel fortunate to be able to assist them in creating healthy habits, and happy futures, in their time of need.
What are the Drawbacks?
Certainly, a Collaborative Divorce is not for everyone. The Collaborative process is completely voluntary. No one should ever feel forced to participate in the process. If you or your spouse is not on board with committing to resolving your issues without the assistance of the court, you should not engage in the Collaborative process. Couples who are very high conflict, who cannot to communicate respectfully, or who feel the need to have their case heard by a judge are not appropriate for the Collaborative process.
There is a comprehensive screening process clients go through with the attorneys and neutral professionals to educate clients about the realities of Collaborative Divorce. The screening process aims to filter out couples who would not be successful under the model. You should never feel you were “talked into” a Collaborative Divorce. While it is the model many of us prefer, the desire and the commitment for the process must start with you and your spouse. This is your life, after all. While the Collaborative process can be an excellent tool for managing this difficult transition, it must be entered into with considerable education and consideration.
On the whole, Collaborative Divorces are truly revolutionizing the divorce experience for many families. Many Collaborative practitioners (me included) have experienced divorce on a personal level. We understand the unique challenges families face when confronting such a significant and difficult transition. That is why we have been so dedicated to bringing Collaborative Divorce to our area and to fostering its growth and visibility.
Montana Collaborative Professionals